Keeping it real

So often, I've considered a series of "Truthful Tuesdays" or "Sunday Confessionals", but let's be real. . . . I am fortunate to get the few chances that I get, so I'd be foolish to think I could keep up with something like that.  That said, sometimes I'm still overwhelmingly compelled to share my darkest moments with you and call it something like above.  Why would anyone want to share these things?  Ego, attention, sympathy. . . for me, none of these.  I truly believe that I am who I am today because of people who shared their hearts with me along the way.  If a story from my heart can change just one day of one person, I feel that the pain I went through to develop that story is somehow worth it.  Pardon me while I sob and write - for the benefit of whoever needs to hear this.

So, today's untitled darkness is related to marriage, particularly mine.  Everyone that I know has stories they could tell about them and/or their spouses.  If you haven't had at least one moment when you thought "what the crap was I thinking?!?!?!", then your wedding was obviously fake and you should get your money back! Sometimes, however, the hurts go deeper and you actually walk out of the door - whether figuratively or literally.  Today's writing is about the day that I walked out - in both senses of the phrase.  It hadn't been long since we moved to a new state, away from all that I'd ever known.  We had two "babies" (C was 4, P was about 18 months old), I had just returned to work, Matt had just quit working (to attend school), we were broke (like ramen noodles and mac n cheese kind of broke), and I was so very scared and felt so alone.  I walked past the man of my dreams daily, but still felt so abandoned, somehow "duped" into believing in this ridiculous dream of his.  I can honestly tell you that I don't know when "it hit" or even what caused it, but one day I was just done.  I wanted to go home, wanted out of this insanity that we had made of our lives at the time.  I recall very little about the actual "incident", just the pain that went along with it.  I headed out the door and made it as far as the first step before falling to my knees.  I'd been through this before.  A few times, in fact, and I knew that divorce was nasty, dreadful, and destructive.  I'd been the child in these instances, but still knew that I'd give anything for this to not be the case.  I'm not sure how long I sat there before I just dialed the first number I could find in my phone.  Ya'll - it was my mother-in-law.  That's right. . . picture this conversation for a while "I know he's your son, but if I don't leave right this second I'm gonna kill him - just thought you should know" (or something like that).  Looking back on it, I laugh so hard, but I kid you not - I am still overwhelmed with tears when I think of the pain we were both enduring at that time.  I will have you know that she didn't hang up on me or scream profanities, instead she prayed with me.  She prayed with me for at least an hour, I swear. . . until I was so overwhelmed by peace and love AND HUMILITY that I was able to walk back through the door armed with the only words I could muster "I'm sorry" and "I love you".

We were so broken at that point.  To this day, I know it was nothing but the grace of God that allowed Matt to embrace me at that moment.  I'd like to say that it was all peaches and ice cream after that, but we all that's not the case.  It was rough in our home for a while, but we refused to walk away.  I could go on and on about this as there are 11+ years to talk about, but I feel like I'm simply supposed to tell you why I'm glad I walked back in. . . .

Sometimes its easiest to share in pictures, so here are a few from the millions of reasons I'm thankful that we both had great counsel in our darkest moments.  We would've missed out on so much.

And as if this wasn't enough, let's not forget these two beautiful smiles. . .

No one on this earth could love me more patiently, more unselfishly and more completely.  If this post was written for you, open the door.

Love you! :)
Laura

What's up Wednesday?!?

A lot has happened since our last "What's up Wednesday" post.  I feel like I'm doing something terribly wrong, because the lazy days of summer have yet to find me.  Matt has been gone about 6 weeks now (visiting a few times, thankfully) and the kids haven't stopped since school let out.  I can't wait for August when everyone that belongs in my home is actually in it!

That said, it's been tons of fun!  The kids spent the first two weeks of summer break in Arkansas.  My sister joined me to drop the kids off in Clarksville to visit Matt's grandpa for a week.  Then they spent a week with their Nana (Matt's mom).  I was blessed to spend a few of those days with them, spending time in the state that I love so very much, and Matt joined us for the last 2!

One of their many adventures - a trip to the Arkansas State Treasury office.  There's a lot of money in their hands!

We then spent a few weeks back to as normal as it gets without dad around while C went to summer school and P to day camp.  P spent the last week in OKC with my babiest sister, apparently making up for missing C by carrying on sibling rivalry with my sweet nephew.  I still can't understand how she could fight with the sweetest kid on the planet. . . otherwise, it was a great visit and she's already trying to figure out when she can go back!

Honestly - the cutest set of kids, EVER!  They made tie-dye t-shirts - with hearts!

Just before P went to OKC, we visited Matt in St. Louis.  I promise to write more about that weekend when I have another moment to breathe.  It was one of my favorite family weekends, by far.  St. Louis knows how to do Independence Day.  I'm still feeling euphoric about it all, and it's not just because I'm missing my husband in the most dreadful way.

This week, C is at church camp; he was so excited to go.  I'm praying he is super blessed by this week, and I'm thankful for cooler temperatures for the kids & their leaders!

And perhaps the most exciting thing yet. . .

This stud is coming home today!!! It's only for a few days, but I'll take every second of it!

The kids still have a week of day camp, a week with Grandma, and two more weeks in Arkansas with Aunt Stephanie and Papa & Nana.

I'll be the first to admit that this summer has been tiring.  I've spent more time behind the wheel than I'd care to discuss, but we've been abundantly blessed by the outpouring of love and care towards the kids & me while Matt has been gone.  I could never adequately say "thank you", but I WILL try.

Patiently enjoying Painstakingly enduring the next 12 hours until he's home,
Laura

More proud mom moments!

I hesitated sharing this in such a public place, but I decided that it was only appropriate that we share all of the exciting things in our lives!! :)

Without giving too many personal details on his behalf, the past year has been extremely challenging for C.  He has shown unbelievable amounts of dedication, and hasn't given up at all on strengthening the areas that he is weak in.  Math is one of his best subjects, but due to a reading disability, he struggles with deciphering written instructions, and word problems are something we all cringe at in a way that is indescribable.

He recently dedicated 4 weeks to additional instruction during the summer and his efforts paid off in such an encouraging way.  I honestly can't describe how blessed we have been through this process; God is so faithful - all the time.  And finally, as if we needed further proof of His love and faithfulness, here's some frame-worthy evidence that we're sharing with all of you.

Proudest Mom Moment - Ever

My children make me proud so very often.  They are both kind and generous, loving and loyal.  I oftentimes feel like I couldn't be more proud.  Tonight was one of those nights - my proudest mom moment ever.
Tonight, C made the decision to be baptized.  We've discussed it many times, but he was never quite ready, or was nervous, or we simply weren't in town.  But tonight, 3 minutes before we left for church, he decided that he was ready!
I'm not sure he fully realizes it right now, but he was honored to have two of the most amazing men (besides his daddy, of course) stand beside him - his pastor, Kendall, and our pastor, Jamie.  I'm continually counting my blessings that God planted us at Woodlake, and nights like this only make me even more grateful.
Daddy couldn't be there tonight (because, as Jamie pointed out, C's dad is a pilot, so his cool factor is automatically way up there!), but C said "that's okay, you can send him a video!".  So, thanks to iPhone video, Daddy, and the rest of the world, get to witness his expression of faith!

Mark 16:16

Proudest. Mom. Ever!
-Laura