For real though: CUPCAKES!

My sister is amazing. She's beautiful, talented, unbelievably good with children, hilarious. . . and the best friend a person could hope for. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be just like her when I grew up. I admire her honesty, even if it sometimes takes a deeper relationship in order to get to that point. Not that she lies - she just avoids, which proves that I did, in fact, grow up to be just like her! :) I mentioned last week that I had really struggled this year with continuing this blog for reasons that I would share later. Well, my sister posted something on social media this week, and I thought it so eloquently expressed what has been going on this year.

"Life can be messy when we are really living and living real. Real conversations take place, real hearts get broken, real plans get changed, and real lives are rearranged. If I decide today I want fake cupcakes, I don't have to worry about a mess when I am done. I can get out my fake bowl, my fake ingredients, and turn on my fake oven. But at the end of my fake 20 minute bake time, what's the reward? Fake cupcakes and nothing to share? Real cupcakes require dirty dishes, flour on the counter tops, cream cheese on the beaters and plenty of cupcakes to share. Real mess = real rewards. I'll take a messy life with the people I love over a fake life by myself any day."

What I'd really like to know is why I didn't get invited over to enjoy said "real cupcakes". But, whatevs. . . :)

But seriously - I knew last year that I was supposed to be real on this blog. It was okay to post funny stuff and random things, but I also knew that the purpose was to help those who are walking in shoes that I've already worn out! What I didn't know is the toll that it would take on me emotionally - to be so open and to rip open scars from the past. . . I. had. no. idea.

I also had no idea how tired I'd be with returning to school full time, working full time, being mom all of the time, wife all of the time, cheer & football mom a good majority of the time, friend, sister, daughter . . . . . So, to be real, I'm exhausted, but I will do my very best to keep writing. I will keep reminding myself of this: if just one person is encouraged, if just one person feels less lonely, if just one person finds the strength to make it just one more day. . . it is worth the pain of revisiting some really hard times. It's worth the struggle of putting words to overwhelming feelings. It's worth it. YOU are worth it.

And in the spirit of real cupcakes, here's my sister's real, delicious Cream Cheese Frosting recipe. As much as I enjoy baking, I HATE icing. But, this recipe is fool-proof AND delicious!!

1 lb cream cheese
2 sticks butter
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 cups sifted confectioner's sugar

Combine cream cheese & butter. Add vanilla. Add sugar 1 cup at a time. At this point, you can add any coloring that you'd like.

Yield: 24 cupcakes

I did this! But only because I had an amazing recipe. DELICIOUS!!!

Happy Friday!!! XOXO

Parenting moment: Recognizing the lasts

I know, I know. . . it's been 3 months. I simply vanished. I'm sorry - there's a whole story behind it, but I'll save that for later.
Today - I'm sharing my mess of a heart. As a parent, you have epiphanies that appear at random, and today was one of those days. I've been a mommy for over 12 years - counting pregnancy (which I do, because I was pregnant with a real, live BABY the whole time) and I've spent many a day scrapping or writing about various "firsts". My kids can look through their books (my son more so that my daughter. . . sorry second-born, I love you dearly!!) and see when they first kicked, when we first heard their heartbeat, when they first smiled at me, when they first tried green beans, what their first words were, who their first in-home visitor was, when they got their first tooth, when they lost their first tooth, their first time away at camp. . . . that's where you find me today.
Today, my baby left for her first day away at camp - church camp specifically - and she couldn't have been more thrilled. My oldest is a completely different child; he only thought he was excited about church camp the first time he went - 3 years ago. Turns out, he would sob and sob and sob - and make mom sob. . . . and then have the time of his life away at camp. I still remember the sweet little boy who came to his side and comforted him and became his bff for the week - God is so good to us! Today, however, my baby girl was ready to go!!! She left alongside 5 girls she's known since pre-k, as well as a couple that are newer friends. She was ready to go, and go she did! Then, as I always do, I take this picture:

This picture always puts a lump in my throat. Perhaps its the excitement that I know is overflowing from the windows, maybe its because I know our most precious cargo is loaded into these pieces of steel, or maybe I'm just a big baby. . . I have the same emotional reaction when I ride in the caravan of cars to a field trip as well. A mess, I tell ya!!!

But this time, this picture took a bit more of my breathe away. You see - this weekend I helped my kids pack for camp - helped my baby girl pack for her very first away camp. For the last time. . . .

For the last time, I enjoyed that first. I remember C's vividly - I even packaged each outfit into gallon-sized baggies (I'll have you know that he asked me to do the same thing last year and this year - I did refuse). I will forever remember this day as well. However, today my parental epiphany was this: so often we fully recognize all of the firsts in our children's lives, but how sad it is that we often don't realize when we're experiencing on of our "lasts". I don't remember the last time that C climbed into my lap; I don't remember the last time P walked up to me, dragging her blanket, paci in her mouth, sleepy gunk in the corners of her eyes. And truth is, I probably won't recognize the last time P asks to braid my hair or the last time C curls up next to me on the couch - as close as he can get. I haven't yet determined if this is a blessing or a curse, though. In some way, it has been eye-opening to have this realization today - a reminder that this exact moment is the last time I get to experience this exact moment. I will definitely hold onto the memories of this monumental day in momhood, and I am thankful that I have reminders like this to keep me focused on TODAY and to refrain from being too focused on yesterday or tomorrow. On the flip side, my heart aches. I feel as if I've lost a little piece of "something" - I don't quite know what that something is, but I feel like I've lost a piece of it.

I see the comment on every mother's exasperated post, it goes something like "cherish the moment, soon they'll be grown", and its hard not to roll my eyes and just say "yes, but surely you remember what it felt like to be in this precious woman's place - where she'd give half of her limbs for a good night's rest!?!?!?" Alas, here I am serving as a reminder to those of you who are willing to give up pieces of yourself just to sleep. . . soak it up. I don't remember when my kids stopped needing me in the middle of the night - it just happened one night. I know I must've been so very relieved and maybe I don't remember it clearly because I WAS SLEEPING!!!! But, what I wouldn't give to rock those babies to sleep just one more time.

So, from one exhausted mommy to another, don't miss the "lasts" being so ready for the "nexts".

Spring has Sprung

I know, guys. . . I'm rather late with this realization. However, it's been on my heart (more so than ever) lately. I love witnessing the earth come alive to worship the Creator. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Fall, but I must also admit that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Spring as well.

Last weekend, we had the privilege of remembering a great man and spreading his ashes in one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. We went so deep in the Ozark mountains, on a peak that (I'm certain) is as close to heaven as one could get without actually going there. We drove for hours. At one point, I realized that we'd only passed one other vehicle, and as soon as I had reception (it had been over 4 hours since I had service), I texted my girlfriends to let them know that if I disappeared, I could be found in the same place they filmed Deliverance. But, seriously, it was stunning - and what a privilege it was to be a part of such a beautiful remembrance of Matt's grandpa.

Up there, so - very - close - to - heaven, there was a patch of daffodils tucked off on their own - as if perfectly preserved for such an occasion.

I wish I could've gotten closer, but it was rather hairy up there!

It was upon seeing it that I was overwhelmed by how the seasons that God created for nature so carefully mimic the seasons of our lives.
There are times when life fells so heavy, so saturated with ick. If only we could take a shower to remove this ick the way that we do a hot-humid summer day.
There are times when we feel stone cold, unable to function, deadened by the circumstances we are surrounded by. If only curling up next to a heater would relieve these feelings.
There are times when life feels like it's falling apart around us. We feel like we're starving for the radiance of sunshine. If only taking in the beauty of fall foliage could put our life back together!
Then, there are moments where we are given a fresh start - a chance to try again - to be more vibrant, to grow taller - more beautiful than ever. That's our Spring!

The reality is that, just like nature, we'll experience every season - repeatedly - in our lifetime. John 16:33 guarantees this. But honestly - doesn't this make our Spring that much sweeter? Isn't it more vibrant when you know what darkness looks like? I'm not saying we should jump up and down and be absolutely thrilled when life just plain sucks, but I am suggesting that these hard times - the tough seasons - bring so much more radiance and beauty to our Spring season.

My prayer is that regardless of what season you are in, you can find peace in knowing that its just a season.

When the Extrovert Goes Rogue

If you look up the word extrovert in the dictionary, you might find my photo. I'm not exactly the poster-child, but I am most energized when around people and I can't stand to be by myself. That is, until I go rogue. Rogue? You may ask. Yes, I mean skin is crawling at the idea of speaking to a human - feeling as if I might actually combust if someone gets too close or needs too much of my energy. At first, I thought I was losing my mind. Here I am, finally in a home that allows me to have company and, excluding the first full weekend there, I come apart at the seams when I think of having people over.
I shared my concerns with a few close people, explaining that I must be depressed or SOMETHING! Something is wrong with me!!! Then last week, while waiting in the line at school to pick up the kids, it dawned on me. For at least 6 months, I haven't had a moment where I wasn't needed by someone or something. At home, someone is always calling my name; at work, I can't even go to the bathroom without panic striking because "Laura isn't here!!!!". When I do have downtime, there's a game on my phone that beckons my attention. Even my showers lately have been occupied by thoughts of the things that need to be purchased (i.e. shower curtain, etc).

Come to find out, this extrovert DID need company, she did need to visit. . . with ME! Imagine that! Alone time. I didn't recognize the problem, because I didn't even know what alone time was anymore. One would think that after being a mom for almost 11 years that I would understand the importance of this, but no.

So, my amazing husband adjusted his schedule last Monday so he could take the kids to school, and I took a vacation day. A REAL one - that wasn't because the kids were out of school or because someone needed to be at the house awaiting a service man or delivery or something. I removed email from my phone and planned to block all calls except Matt's or the kids' school (although I did I scheduled a day with no agenda (besides picking up the kids - they don't like the idea of spending the night at school, so I'm told). I'd love to tell you that I stayed inside my home where it was nice and quiet, but that would be a lie. I was gone for most of the day, but I did what I wanted when I wanted - all day.

At this point, I'd also like to tell you that it solved all of the world's problems or at least my own, but that, too, would be a lie. However, it was a positive move in the direction of getting my grip back on life. 

So, today, two days after I usually post, I am writing to tell you this. . . 

Don't neglect you. You are one of the most valuable things you have to offer anyone, and without taking time to replenish you, it'll be impossible to do all that you've been called to do. Whether you're a parent, spouse, friend, daughter, employee, or a combination of all of the above (plus many more). . . take time to focus on you, even if only for a day.

This week, I'm extremely grateful for those in my life who support me. From my husband to my family and friends and my boss and colleagues.  Who do you have in your life that supports you? Who lifts you up when you feel like disappearing into the ground?

Comment below or join me and link-up with Ember Grey to share!

The Move

I've been promising to write this post; I have just not had the emotional energy to revisit the week in question. As I mentioned here, I was scared to put it out there that we were scheduled to close, because things just seem to go wonky on us. . . all. the. time. . . without fail (at least, that's how it sometimes feels). That being said, they did. . . go wonky, that is.

We were scheduled to close on our new home the last week in December. This was "perfect timing" because I was already off work (holidays/vacation with the kids), and it wasn't a busy time for The Overachiever, so on and so forth. Well, guess what?!?! We didn't. It wasn't too much of a shock, because I've never known anyone to close on a home the day they were supposed to. But what made this so hard is we knew that if we didn't close on our scheduled day, it would be another week, thanks to holidays (apparently Dec 31, Jan 1 & Jan 2 are all holidays?!?!?). Again - none of this is a revelation, we all know that it happens, and that buying a house is dreadfully exhausting, but what I'm writing to share is how terribly I reacted. My goal on this blog is to be transparent, in hopes that someone can learn at least one tiny thing from my mistakes - to avoid the pain of going through it themselves. I guess it's the mom in me. :)

So, we were told "it could still happen today", so ALL DAY I wept. I'm not even kidding. I truly wept. My head felt like it would explode, I prayed, I read my Bible, I wept, I prayed, I read, wept, prayed and read. Then, I got angry. I took all of the promises I had just been reminded of in His Word and went my own route of just being angry. WHY ME?!?!? And before you roll your eyes (like I do now), understand where my heart was. As vulnerable as this is, I'll share what my heart cried . . . "I am so tired of being your example! Can't one thing just go as I want it? Can't one thing in my life come without so much stinking emotional energy? Can't you hear me? Don't you understand that next week at work is stupid busy and I don't have time to wait on you!!! Why can't I just once be the child that you smile on and say 'today, I will do things your way because you've had to wait for so much so often'? What is wrong with me that you don't care enough to just give me a break? I am so tired of being the example!!!!!"

Take a moment and breathe, because if you're like me, you just read that and now you're waiting for the lightening to strike. Even writing this, I am having to walk away for a bit because I'm not sure how to transition from that rant into what happened next. 

Sigh. . .

So then - we didn't close. God didn't respond to my unbelievable questions and didn't move on my behalf in the way I had begged. I pulled myself together enough to go to the store. Matt insisted that we leave the house - he's seen me in my darkest hour - years ago - and I think he really felt I was headed straight towards it. Of course, we ran into someone from church. Of course I hadn't showered or even blown my nose appropriately. Of course I looked like death, and I then anticipated a call from my pastor to see if something was terribly wrong in our home. Looking back, it's pretty funny, actually. Go ahead - laugh a bit - I was a train wreck and now, a month later, it's funny.

The next few days were pretty stressful (and boring) as we had everything we owned packed away, nothing to do except think about the house we didn't have yet, and answer 76,457 questions from the mortgage company, not to mention the shame I felt about my behavior on "the day". But something happened in that week. . . I came to terms with life not happening on my terms, and oddly enough - it didn't kill me. (Shocking, I know)

And then - we closed!!! Everyone cheer!!!!!!!!

I still don't fully understand the reasoning for the delay, but I can tell you that we've had a few unexpected things come up that we wouldn't have been prepared to handle the last week in December for various reasons. And if you're wondering - I'm not angry. I was angry and hurt and frustrated and just plain tired, but I'm not angry anymore. Not just because we finally closed, but because not long after my rant, God began to bring to mind the unbelievable mercy and favor He has shown towards us in just a short time. If anything, I am ashamed - how could I ever question His love for me? His love is unfathomable and I tried to put a frame around it in the shape and size that I thought it should fit!

I'm not sure what the lesson in all of this is - I have no clever way to finish this post. I believe that I am just supposed to share this and let you glean from it what you will.

My prayer for you is this: If you find yourself feeling like the overlooked child, know that He knew you before you were formed. He knew you and He loved you and He had great plans for you - before you were ever even formed. His plans for you are to prosper you, to give you a hope and a future, never to harm you. TRUST in the Him and don't rely on your own understanding. Trust that He has your best interest at heart. His love never fails - He. Is. Love.

I am so very thankful that my Heavenly Father loves and forgives me.
Is there a moment in your life that you felt God's love the most?

If you're willing to share, please do! Comment below or join me and link-up with Ember Grey to share!

Friday Finds: Random Thoughts, Again

Ya'll - we did finally close on our new home!!!!  We weren't able to move while we were already on vacation, so it's been a VERY long week.  But - here we are, pulling in to unload the first time.  To many it's just a Uhaul truck in front of a garage.  To me - it's the answer to one of my hearts greatest pleas.

You may have already seen this on Instagram

So here are some random thoughts from the past week:

1. People will take anything when they leave a home.  ANYTHING.  Guys, the sink stoppers were taken. You know - the ones that went with the garbage disposal that, fortunately, wasn't taken. Bulbs?! Yes, they take bulbs. It's silly, but also frustrating because I'd much rather use my money to buy a new shower curtain! It's all good - it provides us with comic relief.

2. There's something extremely sexy about my man sitting at a table, taking charge, and fulfilling a promise to both himself and his family. I'm not even kidding. Someone give this girl some water!

3. You know when your prayer for many months is "God, use me". . . the best reaction to Him doing so should not be a complete New Year's Eve meltdown (more on that later). I am unbelievably thankful for my friends and family who listened to me, loved on me and held me above water. No words, guys. No words.

4. I've resolved that we will never complete a move without destroying SOMETHING. This time, it was a little bit of paint and a really old speaker. I'm okay with that.

5. The radio somehow senses my situation and plays EXACTLY what I need.  Here are just a couple of the whispers of hope I received as I drove around the past couple of weeks, in the midst of what (at times) felt like the end of my little world:

Laura Story - "Blessings"

Amanda Cook & Bethel Music - "You Make Me Brave"

I'm off to find the floor of my new lovely garage!
XOXO

Thankfulness

Can I just be honest with you? I've put off this post for over 24 hours because I am in the middle of a massive pity party. As I mentioned Friday, my amazing husband made the trip of his lifetime (so far) across the country, to his "homeland" of SoCal. That was awesome! I was a wreck until they got there, but it was awesome!!!! So. Stinking. Awesome. And, he has since turned it into a vacation by staying an extra 3 days.

I'd love to go on a vacation. . . Wish he would have wanted to go with me instead. . . Wonder what its like to go to an amusement park without my family. . . Hope he appreciates the fact that I didn't kill the kids and that the house is cleaner than its been in months. . . . These are just a few of the thoughts that have taken over me this weekend - and I still have over 24 hours to go. People - the struggle is real. Jealousy is real. Loneliness is real. Lack of self-worth - it's oh so very real. Still. . . . this week (as should be every week of the year), we focus on being thankful, and I have an inordinate number of reasons to be thankful. I might be writing this while sulking about the fact that he's currently walking along the coast with other people, but darn it - I love that man!!!

He is by far my greatest blessing this side of Heaven. He has stuck with me (and I with him) through some of the most agonizing situations. He has loved me when I couldn't even love myself and was therefore completely unlovable. He is an amazing daddy to our children. AMAZING. He has shown me what it means to dream big and accomplish those dreams. And - just when my pity party is about to get the cops called on it, and I think he couldn't possibly be thinking of me because he's having too much fun without me. . . he sends me this. . .

It might have just been a peace-offering, but it meant more to me than I can say. Yup - I'm so very thankful for him.

I'm thankful for my two beautiful, healthy, loving, caring, funny, strong, courageous children. They bring a light into my world that can't compare to anything else. They also make me crazy and have learned my buttons, but they love their momma and she soooo loves them!

I'm thankful for my parents - all of them. Sparing you the book I could write on this topic, I am so very loved by quite a few people - all of whom call me daughter. I have full, step, in-law, adoptive, chosen. . . . I have it all. I am so very thankful.

I am thankful for my friends, including my sibling-friends. I am thankful that they trust me with their innermost feelings. I am thankful that they have me over for dinner to help lessen the ridiculous pity party or to keep me from going insane when my kids are out of state and my husband is working in an even different state. I am thankful that they love me for who I am and forgive me when I'm a little too much. I am thankful that I get to share in their lives in such a beautiful way. They help make the hard days bearable and are my greatest cheerleaders on the amazing days!

I am thankful for my Heavenly Father whose mercies are new every morning (AMEN!) and who not only loves me, but IS love. Who calls me "chosen" and "loved" and "forgiven" and "HIS".

I could go on for days and days. Life may not always be fair, and there is always someone who has more or can do more or can get more. . . but SO WHAT!!!! I have been blessed with an amazing life. What are you thankful for today?

Ephesians 4:20 (AMP)

Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes or dreams]

Linking up with Ember Grey:

How to destroy your daughter's self-esteem

My daughter listens to everything - except the things I ask her to do, of course. I've known this for a long time, but the other day she surprised us in a humorous way. While eating dinner, C was talking about the decorations in the kids' area at church during a recent series (Happily Ever After).  He was rather impressed with the ceiling decorations and said, "I wonder how they got all of that up there?!?" to which P immediately responded, "With a cherry picker". I was so thrown by her response.  A cherry picker?!? What does she know about a cherry picker? We found it quite amusing and she was awfully proud of herself.

A couple days later, I was reminded of this random moment in our lives and then struck with the most severe amount of guilt.

She listens to everything. . . . . . the thought overwhelmed me.

She listens when I put myself down, because my self-image is an absolute wreck.

She listens when I compare myself to others in my life - and even those who I'll never know personally.

She listens when I cry and complain, as I put on the fifth outfit and still feel like a disgusting mess.

And then - she listens when people tell her how beautiful she is, and then follow it up with "you look just like your mommy". 

She is stunning - she's beautiful both inside and out.  She's funny and caring and a friend to everyone. She is compassionate and loyal. . . . She is an awful lot like her mommy.

And so, on that day of my recollection, I died a little inside. Turns out, I could write an entire manual on how to destroy your daughter's self-esteem. *stomach churning*

I'm pretty sure I edify her (and her brother) 100 times a day, but because she's told me countless times that "I want to be a mommy like you" (meaning - she wants to be like me when she grows up), what she REALLY hears me saying is that "SHE'LL never be good enough" or "SHE'LL be a disgusting mess" even if I'd never, EVER, actually say those words (because there isn't a drop of truth in them).

This is the precious child who is constantly complimenting me - whether it be about a meal, a song I'm singing, an outfit, earrings she hasn't seen in a while. . . . then she hears me cutting myself down as if to say "HER words mean nothing to me". Guys - I was overwhelmed. I'm still overwhelmed.

So, for her, I'll stop believing the lies about myself and start believing God's Word. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He knew me, before I was ever known - and He loves me.
Because, THESE are the things I want her to know about herself!

Keeping it real

So often, I've considered a series of "Truthful Tuesdays" or "Sunday Confessionals", but let's be real. . . . I am fortunate to get the few chances that I get, so I'd be foolish to think I could keep up with something like that.  That said, sometimes I'm still overwhelmingly compelled to share my darkest moments with you and call it something like above.  Why would anyone want to share these things?  Ego, attention, sympathy. . . for me, none of these.  I truly believe that I am who I am today because of people who shared their hearts with me along the way.  If a story from my heart can change just one day of one person, I feel that the pain I went through to develop that story is somehow worth it.  Pardon me while I sob and write - for the benefit of whoever needs to hear this.

So, today's untitled darkness is related to marriage, particularly mine.  Everyone that I know has stories they could tell about them and/or their spouses.  If you haven't had at least one moment when you thought "what the crap was I thinking?!?!?!", then your wedding was obviously fake and you should get your money back! Sometimes, however, the hurts go deeper and you actually walk out of the door - whether figuratively or literally.  Today's writing is about the day that I walked out - in both senses of the phrase.  It hadn't been long since we moved to a new state, away from all that I'd ever known.  We had two "babies" (C was 4, P was about 18 months old), I had just returned to work, Matt had just quit working (to attend school), we were broke (like ramen noodles and mac n cheese kind of broke), and I was so very scared and felt so alone.  I walked past the man of my dreams daily, but still felt so abandoned, somehow "duped" into believing in this ridiculous dream of his.  I can honestly tell you that I don't know when "it hit" or even what caused it, but one day I was just done.  I wanted to go home, wanted out of this insanity that we had made of our lives at the time.  I recall very little about the actual "incident", just the pain that went along with it.  I headed out the door and made it as far as the first step before falling to my knees.  I'd been through this before.  A few times, in fact, and I knew that divorce was nasty, dreadful, and destructive.  I'd been the child in these instances, but still knew that I'd give anything for this to not be the case.  I'm not sure how long I sat there before I just dialed the first number I could find in my phone.  Ya'll - it was my mother-in-law.  That's right. . . picture this conversation for a while "I know he's your son, but if I don't leave right this second I'm gonna kill him - just thought you should know" (or something like that).  Looking back on it, I laugh so hard, but I kid you not - I am still overwhelmed with tears when I think of the pain we were both enduring at that time.  I will have you know that she didn't hang up on me or scream profanities, instead she prayed with me.  She prayed with me for at least an hour, I swear. . . until I was so overwhelmed by peace and love AND HUMILITY that I was able to walk back through the door armed with the only words I could muster "I'm sorry" and "I love you".

We were so broken at that point.  To this day, I know it was nothing but the grace of God that allowed Matt to embrace me at that moment.  I'd like to say that it was all peaches and ice cream after that, but we all that's not the case.  It was rough in our home for a while, but we refused to walk away.  I could go on and on about this as there are 11+ years to talk about, but I feel like I'm simply supposed to tell you why I'm glad I walked back in. . . .

Sometimes its easiest to share in pictures, so here are a few from the millions of reasons I'm thankful that we both had great counsel in our darkest moments.  We would've missed out on so much.

And as if this wasn't enough, let's not forget these two beautiful smiles. . .

No one on this earth could love me more patiently, more unselfishly and more completely.  If this post was written for you, open the door.

Love you! :)
Laura

More proud mom moments!

I hesitated sharing this in such a public place, but I decided that it was only appropriate that we share all of the exciting things in our lives!! :)

Without giving too many personal details on his behalf, the past year has been extremely challenging for C.  He has shown unbelievable amounts of dedication, and hasn't given up at all on strengthening the areas that he is weak in.  Math is one of his best subjects, but due to a reading disability, he struggles with deciphering written instructions, and word problems are something we all cringe at in a way that is indescribable.

He recently dedicated 4 weeks to additional instruction during the summer and his efforts paid off in such an encouraging way.  I honestly can't describe how blessed we have been through this process; God is so faithful - all the time.  And finally, as if we needed further proof of His love and faithfulness, here's some frame-worthy evidence that we're sharing with all of you.

Proudest Mom Moment - Ever

My children make me proud so very often.  They are both kind and generous, loving and loyal.  I oftentimes feel like I couldn't be more proud.  Tonight was one of those nights - my proudest mom moment ever.
Tonight, C made the decision to be baptized.  We've discussed it many times, but he was never quite ready, or was nervous, or we simply weren't in town.  But tonight, 3 minutes before we left for church, he decided that he was ready!
I'm not sure he fully realizes it right now, but he was honored to have two of the most amazing men (besides his daddy, of course) stand beside him - his pastor, Kendall, and our pastor, Jamie.  I'm continually counting my blessings that God planted us at Woodlake, and nights like this only make me even more grateful.
Daddy couldn't be there tonight (because, as Jamie pointed out, C's dad is a pilot, so his cool factor is automatically way up there!), but C said "that's okay, you can send him a video!".  So, thanks to iPhone video, Daddy, and the rest of the world, get to witness his expression of faith!

Mark 16:16

Proudest. Mom. Ever!
-Laura

Mother's Day

I must admit, Mother's Day is one of my favorite days. I love that my babies have spent the entire week telling me "I have something for you at school", just testing my ability to remain patient while I wait for it. Today they hopped in the car, and without even breathing, excitedly presented me with what will always be some of my most prized possessions. Every year I get something so very special. Sure, I like flowers and jewelry and what-not, but I LOVE these personal messages from their sweet hearts. It makes all of the other hard things that come with motherhood worth every tear and heartache.

From C:

I couldn't possibly love this little man any more than I do.

From P: 

She told me she was "going to put protective but I didn't know how to spell it". Love this girl!

Translation: Waffle

I can't begin to describe how much I love these two - they fill my life with so much joy.

Mother's Day is also another reminder that I am blessed to have 3 very special moms in my life.
My momma, first and foremost. The sacrifices she has made in her lifetime have not gone unnoticed. I admire her resiliency and am so very thankful for her love and support.The relationship that we have is so very special to me and I don't take a single day for granted!
My step-mom, Judy. I've never had reason to doubt her love for me and her words of encouragement are always a breath of fresh air. I'm beyond blessed to have her in my life.
My Mom2, MIL and 'Naomi', Sandie. The best thing she ever did for me was raise an amazing man of God who is by far the most amazing person I know. She is also my friend, my shopping partner, and has always done whatever possible to be there for me in times of need.

I would be remiss to mention that for many people, this holiday is especially painful. Whether it be from the loss of a mom, loss of a child or inability to have children, the pain is real. I pray that this weekend you feel an extra abundance of God's love for you and a comfort that only He can provide.

Happy Mother's Day!!!
Laura

In loving and fond memory of my grandmothers who are no longer here with me. I miss you daily. 

Grace, Mercy & Forgiveness

There's a plant in my office that has me thinking about "grace" "mercy" and "forgiveness" a lot lately.  I'll tell you more about the plant shortly, but I'd like to offer some definitions first.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary provides the following definitions:

GRACE: (n)
      *a controlled, polite, and pleasant way of behaving

MERCY: (n)
      *kind or forgiving treatment of someone who could be treated harshly
      *kindness or help given to people who are in a very bad or desperate situation

FORGIVE: (v)
      *to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong); to stop blaming (someone)
      *to stop feeling anger about (something); to forgive someone for (something wrong)
      *to give up resentment of or claim to requital for (forgive an insult)
      *to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)

However, God's idea of these things is much more impressive:

• Grace: Getting what you don't deserve, or unmerited favor
• Mercy: Not getting what you do deserve, or withheld punishment
• Forgiveness: When we ask for forgiveness, when we repent, He casts our sins as far as the East is from the West.

How amazing is our God?!?!  His grace provides unmerited favor - when we don't even deserve it - and His mercy keeps us from being struck down every other second.  Not to mention His mercies are new every morning!

So - what does all of this have to do with a plant?!?!?  Last year I acquired a plant that was essentially dead.  I was supposed to use the dirt and pot to plant something new.  Instead, I felt intrigued by the dead plant and decided to water it, prune the dead leaves, give it plenty of light and attention, and see what happens (I only regret that I didn't take a picture of it).  

I won't give many details about where the plant came from, but I can tell you that (as with just about any human who makes mistakes), the person associated with it deserved no grace, no mercy, no forgiveness. This person turned the lives of so many people upside down, cost people jobs and destroyed a few relationships along the way.  

However, not long after the dust began to settle, I was discussing the situation (with quite a bit of anger and resentment) and, in an attempt to make me laugh, was told "Laura, that's not very Christ-like of you to not forgive".  We did laugh, it was a nice relief from the tension of the conversation, but it obviously struck a chord with me.  Not long after that, I was DETERMINED to make that plant live. 

About 2 months ago, I noticed some green growth at the top.  I continued to water, prune old pieces, move to better lighting. . . give it the attention it so desperately needed.  Just this week, it has taken off with such vigor!  

It not only has tons of green leaf growth, it even has new roots sprouting.  

In the end, what am I getting at?  This plant not only reminds me of how loving and kind and generous and mighty our God is, it also reminds me that we should extend the same grace, mercy & forgiveness to those who have done us wrong.  Do I trust the person I referred to above?  I must be honest and say "No, not at all", unfortunately.  Do I forgive them for the unbelievable amount of stress and anxiety that they caused me and those I care about?  Yes, I do.  Because who am I to withhold what God has so graciously and generously given to me?  After all, He's given us all the opportunity to be pruned and loved on and cared for and most of all, given new life and stronger roots.

Wherever you are in life. . .

A few months ago, I saw this picture and I think I even "shared" it on fb. . . and then saw it again today and decided to move forward with writing about it.

I love this picture - I see so much truth in it.  I'm positive there are a million different ways this can be read along with that many different meanings.  For this moment, I'll allow it to touch on a conversation I've had recently with some friends in our Working Mom's connect group.  We are often almost attacked for working outside of the home, and its been on my mind a lot lately.  

So - going back to the picture, I would like to share some things that have been revealed to me.  Maybe you'll find them encouraging - if that's what you're needing.

God calls each of us to do different things; that's why we're called the Body of Christ.  If we were all arms, we would not be complete, nor would we be effective.  We would have a lot of doers, but no hearts to love, no ears to hear, no eyes to see, no mouths to speak God's Word.  Quit comparing yourself to others - and by all means, don't allow others to condemn you because you are different!!!!

I used to say, "I'm a better mom for working" and thought I was completely alone in my thinking.  Then - my very good friend said the exact same thing while she was on maternity leave not long ago.  We laughed about it at the time, but you see - even the "Proverbs 31 woman" worked.

Proverbs 31:18

See sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.

Do I sleep at night?  You better believe it!  In fact, I'm a champion sleeper!!!  But during the day, I go to work.  I thoroughly enjoy what I do - could NOT ask for a better job.  I believe my Type A personality, mixed with my being a stickler for rule-following, is a strong component of the team I work with.  I drive my babies to school each morning; we pray the entire trip-this is my favorite part of the day.  When the bell rings - mom is there waiting on them, ready to listen, all the way home, to what exciting things they did that day.  Do I think my children are sacrificing because I can't be there for PTA meetings?  No, not at all.  I believe our time in the evenings is that much more important, and they are learning at a young age the importance of helping out in order to have a nice home.

So - why do I work outside of the home?  Here's a tidbit many of you may not know about me (I doubt it, but I'm going to assume that not everyone has heard me ramble on about anything and everything).  My husband, the amazing hunk of a man that God placed in my life 13+ years ago and graciously married me almost 10 years ago, has a dream - a gift even.  He's wanted to be a pilot for as long as he can remember - I've known this about him as long as I've known him.  But, this kind of training is expensive - VERY expensive.  Neither of us had the luxury of having school paid for and we knew very early on that if we wanted anything, we'd have to work super hard to get it ourselves (today I thank God for this, BTW).  That being said - flight school was WAY out of our range, so we continued on about our lives, getting married and having babies.  When P was born, Matt picked up extra hours to allow me to come home and be with the kids.  We did this for 18 months and I am forever grateful for that time.  However, God never allowed Matt's dreams to die and, saving you from the very long story that led to our decision, we moved to Tulsa to pursue that dream.  This meant - Laura goes back to work, full time.  It was quite an adjustment, but 4 years later, that hunk of a man of mine graduated from Spartan and is now being paid to do what he loves!  

I can't begin to tell you the amount of discouragement we received in this process - but there's something freeing about ignoring others' ignorance and moving forward to create a better life for your family.  We did have encouragement along the way too, God was always faithful to send some just when we were being overwhelmed by discouragement!!!  He's always SO good to us!  God is good. All the time, God is good!

I say ALL of this to say this. . . . wherever you are in life - find comfort in it - some how, some way.  If you don't feel you are where you should be, make strides to correct course.  But - never do so because its what others think you should do.

Do I think there will come a day that I will be available to help out at school, etc.?  Absolutely!  You see - this dream was not just for Matt - it was for our family.  A career that he loves and will allow him to provide for us - FOREVER breaking the cycle of poverty and need - all the while teaching our kids what it means to work hard for what we have. . . . that's a dream worth chasing!!!  And when that day comes, I pray I find myself in situations that allow me to support the efforts of a mom who is working hard to achieve her family's dreams.  

I kinda feel like I combined about 3 posts into one. . . a bit off track at times, but I hope that something in this helps you today.  I would also recommend the devotionals on Jentezen Franklin's website. In light of some things we're walking through right now, I especially recommend the devotionals starting Feb 20 through present.  

Thank you for listening to my ramblings. I love you all! :)
Laura

Being real. . .

Forgive me while I preach to myself, and hopefully help someone else.  I think there are few things that hurt worse that feeling completely helpless when someone you love is dealing with something painful - emotional or physical.  If you're anything like me, you have the desire to save the world - no one should feel pain because you ought to be able to say or do something to stop the pain.  The reality is I always come back to "who do I think am I?!?!?" and feeling pretty helpless - and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one.   When all of my words fail, I go to God.  Why I don't do this in reverse order, I'll never really understand. . . . my ridiculous flesh, I'm sure.  But - even though I do it out of order, God always provides an answer in His Word.  He's such a great Dad - he ALWAYS has the answer.  I oftentimes picture Him sitting at a table listening to me and being genuinely concerned about what I'm sharing- just like my Daddy would do.  The difference is - He really DOES have all of the answers (sorry Daddy!).  And now, for those of you who find yourself walking through something similar, I offer the words I've found in His Word in response to my "Father, I need help - I don't know how to help - don't know what to say (or not say) - don't know what to do (or not do) - don't know what YOU want me to do".