Thankfulness

Can I just be honest with you? I've put off this post for over 24 hours because I am in the middle of a massive pity party. As I mentioned Friday, my amazing husband made the trip of his lifetime (so far) across the country, to his "homeland" of SoCal. That was awesome! I was a wreck until they got there, but it was awesome!!!! So. Stinking. Awesome. And, he has since turned it into a vacation by staying an extra 3 days.

I'd love to go on a vacation. . . Wish he would have wanted to go with me instead. . . Wonder what its like to go to an amusement park without my family. . . Hope he appreciates the fact that I didn't kill the kids and that the house is cleaner than its been in months. . . . These are just a few of the thoughts that have taken over me this weekend - and I still have over 24 hours to go. People - the struggle is real. Jealousy is real. Loneliness is real. Lack of self-worth - it's oh so very real. Still. . . . this week (as should be every week of the year), we focus on being thankful, and I have an inordinate number of reasons to be thankful. I might be writing this while sulking about the fact that he's currently walking along the coast with other people, but darn it - I love that man!!!

He is by far my greatest blessing this side of Heaven. He has stuck with me (and I with him) through some of the most agonizing situations. He has loved me when I couldn't even love myself and was therefore completely unlovable. He is an amazing daddy to our children. AMAZING. He has shown me what it means to dream big and accomplish those dreams. And - just when my pity party is about to get the cops called on it, and I think he couldn't possibly be thinking of me because he's having too much fun without me. . . he sends me this. . .

It might have just been a peace-offering, but it meant more to me than I can say. Yup - I'm so very thankful for him.

I'm thankful for my two beautiful, healthy, loving, caring, funny, strong, courageous children. They bring a light into my world that can't compare to anything else. They also make me crazy and have learned my buttons, but they love their momma and she soooo loves them!

I'm thankful for my parents - all of them. Sparing you the book I could write on this topic, I am so very loved by quite a few people - all of whom call me daughter. I have full, step, in-law, adoptive, chosen. . . . I have it all. I am so very thankful.

I am thankful for my friends, including my sibling-friends. I am thankful that they trust me with their innermost feelings. I am thankful that they have me over for dinner to help lessen the ridiculous pity party or to keep me from going insane when my kids are out of state and my husband is working in an even different state. I am thankful that they love me for who I am and forgive me when I'm a little too much. I am thankful that I get to share in their lives in such a beautiful way. They help make the hard days bearable and are my greatest cheerleaders on the amazing days!

I am thankful for my Heavenly Father whose mercies are new every morning (AMEN!) and who not only loves me, but IS love. Who calls me "chosen" and "loved" and "forgiven" and "HIS".

I could go on for days and days. Life may not always be fair, and there is always someone who has more or can do more or can get more. . . but SO WHAT!!!! I have been blessed with an amazing life. What are you thankful for today?

Ephesians 4:20 (AMP)

Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes or dreams]

Linking up with Ember Grey:

Friday Finds: Random Notes

Today's :Friday Finds" is actually 5 random notes from me.  It's been a long week!

1. The more I read, the more I fall in love with other writers. Mary-Keith has quickly become one of my new favorites. I love that she is so real, and you can hear her heart in every word that she writes. She is currently doing a series on the Fruits of the Spirit - I highly recommend you follow and read! Side note: she has been kind enough to open one of her series date to me, and I'll be guest-blogging "Gentleness" in early December.  

2. House hunting is absolutely brutal. It's been a long time since we could even think about house hunting, so understand that I also feel overwhelmed by God's grace, mercy, redemption, you name it. Still - it's exhausting, and I'm finding it hard to really enjoy the process of looking for a new home with My Love. Please say a prayer for us.

3. Speaking of My Love, he's currently on a cross-country trek in a plane old enough to be my grandfather, and he's loving every minute of it.  At each stop, I get selfies or beautiful scenery pics. I'm so thankful he was given this opportunity (did you know it was ceremonial to retire a plane? Also, when a new one is acquired, it's christened?), and I'm also ready for him to come home now!

They are flying 2 planes out West.  This is a shot of his plane from the seat of the other plane.

4. Essential oils may be "all the rage" and cause some people to roll their eyes, but they aren't so "new age" in our family. I remember my mom using them when we were younger, and I've recently been reminded of them. I have friends who sell one brand and a sister that sells another, but mostly I'm excited because I'm surrounded by them! It was so nice to swing by my sister's house, on the way home from picking up my daughter from school - sick, and picking up a few remedy samples. I will end this by saying that she's in school today. She's not 100%, but she is doing much better.  Plus - my house smells AMAZING!!!

5. I've recently discovered that I truly am a crier. I can remember a time in my life - not too long ago - that I physically couldn't cry. I would go months without crying, knowing that if I could just have a good cry, the hurt wouldn't hurt so badly.  Still - I couldn't cry. I now cry at least every other day. 99.9% I am moved to tears by a kindness, or a sweet video, or a commercial, or the smile from my children, or my adoration for My Love, or redeeming love, or the writing of this little nugget of truth on a blog post. It's not all-out "bawling", just a tear or two usually, but I find peace in it. I find peace in knowing that I've allowed myself to feel again - to dream again.

I hope your weekend is full of fun and rest!!
XOXO

How to destroy your daughter's self-esteem

My daughter listens to everything - except the things I ask her to do, of course. I've known this for a long time, but the other day she surprised us in a humorous way. While eating dinner, C was talking about the decorations in the kids' area at church during a recent series (Happily Ever After).  He was rather impressed with the ceiling decorations and said, "I wonder how they got all of that up there?!?" to which P immediately responded, "With a cherry picker". I was so thrown by her response.  A cherry picker?!? What does she know about a cherry picker? We found it quite amusing and she was awfully proud of herself.

A couple days later, I was reminded of this random moment in our lives and then struck with the most severe amount of guilt.

She listens to everything. . . . . . the thought overwhelmed me.

She listens when I put myself down, because my self-image is an absolute wreck.

She listens when I compare myself to others in my life - and even those who I'll never know personally.

She listens when I cry and complain, as I put on the fifth outfit and still feel like a disgusting mess.

And then - she listens when people tell her how beautiful she is, and then follow it up with "you look just like your mommy". 

She is stunning - she's beautiful both inside and out.  She's funny and caring and a friend to everyone. She is compassionate and loyal. . . . She is an awful lot like her mommy.

And so, on that day of my recollection, I died a little inside. Turns out, I could write an entire manual on how to destroy your daughter's self-esteem. *stomach churning*

I'm pretty sure I edify her (and her brother) 100 times a day, but because she's told me countless times that "I want to be a mommy like you" (meaning - she wants to be like me when she grows up), what she REALLY hears me saying is that "SHE'LL never be good enough" or "SHE'LL be a disgusting mess" even if I'd never, EVER, actually say those words (because there isn't a drop of truth in them).

This is the precious child who is constantly complimenting me - whether it be about a meal, a song I'm singing, an outfit, earrings she hasn't seen in a while. . . . then she hears me cutting myself down as if to say "HER words mean nothing to me". Guys - I was overwhelmed. I'm still overwhelmed.

So, for her, I'll stop believing the lies about myself and start believing God's Word. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He knew me, before I was ever known - and He loves me.
Because, THESE are the things I want her to know about herself!

Friday Finds: More Holiday Fun

If you can't tell, I can't do anything but think about Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Fortunately, I'm not the only one, and I've found a ton of great resources lately!!
Here are some Friday Finds:

1. Give Your Kids the Gift of Enough. Jill Savage says everything I've been trying to put into words. Matt has been trying to get me to verbalize what I keep whimpering about, so I just sent him the entire article this morning!

2. Along the lines of not losing my mind (and savings) by buying the store for my children, I am about to enter my second year of a fun advent calendar for our family. We loved this so much last year, and I can hardly wait until December 1 to start again! So thankful for my friend, Joy, who I stole ideas from and am now working alongside to coordinate group events for our advent calendar!!
This is what it looked like last year:

  

 And this is what we're going with this year:

Pinned from fabnfree.com 

3. Additionally, we hope that Jack (our elf) comes back this year, and I've been obsessing over A Little Moore's many Elf-on-a-shelf posts and super amazing calendars! And, if you're new to this frenzy, she does a great job of introducing you, here.

4. Who doesn't love table settings, decorations and FONTS!?!?  Love the Here and Now has the perfect collection of Fall fonts here.  You can use them to mark place settings or decorate drinking glasses - like these from our Thanksgiving last year.

5. I can't get enough of Anna over at Happy Medley.  Just so happens, she featured a beautiful Thanksgiving Tablescape that you have to check out.  It's so simple, yet captures everything you'd want at your Thanksgiving feast!

I hope you're staying warm (we are currently experiencing January weather)!

Redeeming Love - A Sister's Love

Growing up, I was (am) extremely blessed to have a sister - one who grew up with me, Stephanie.  But, I also had another sister, Christina, and we didn't see much of each other.  This is our story (Christina & me) - the shorter version.

Every summer, I vividly remember the long trip from Little Rock to Tulsa to pick up my brother & sister for their summer visit.  It was always tons of fun, and to this day, we still play "Sallisaw, Henryetta, Wagoner, Catoosa" on every trip - even if it's through facebook.  Then came the trip at the end of the summer - I hated that trip.  I think I'd cry all the way through Alma, AR, every time.  Broken families suck - don't do it. 

As my brother & sister grew older, their visits would be shorter, until one day they stopped.  They'd grown up, there was no more visitation, and the summers stopped. 

Fast forward about 10 years and the visits had been limited to an occasional holiday, but nothing really serious - no actual relationship, if I were to be totally honest.  By this time, my sister had kids of her own - whom I adored, but didn't see very much of.  But such was this life we lived.  Looking back, I don't think I thought much about it because it seemed like the norm.

Then - what remnants of a relationship that did exist suddenly didn't.  We didn't have any kind of relational foundation, really - we were bound by blood, but no substance (which, by the way, is terribly saddening to put into writing).  And without any foundation, our differences on some pretty tough and real topics, separated us completely.  In fact, I'd say that they tore us apart - similar to the way you'd have to "tear" something you've crocheted - ugh. 

Many years went by and Matt & I found ourselves in Tulsa, trying to raise a family.  Little by little, Christina & I began to build what started to slightly resemble a relationship.  It was enough that I could talk about "my sister", but was still lacking.  I was too wrapped up in the reasons that things fell apart to begin with.  Then, one afternoon while in prayer, our sweet Heavenly Father lovingly whispered, "I never asked you to be my Holy Spirit.  I only commanded you to love".  Meaning, regardless of my convictions, I had no right to convict others. At the time, I felt so guilty, but I know that was not His intent.  His intent was to give me freedom, to redeem love. 

And let me pause "our story" to describe redeeming love.  We use the phrase often, but I wanted to dig a little deeper into the meaning, to give a little better picture of what has happened in the past couple of years.

While looking up "redeemed", I came across another form of the word - "reconciled", or katallasso, which means "to change, exchange, reestablish, restore relationships, make things right, remove an enmity".  Wow.  If that right there does nothing for you - let's move on.  Otherwise, chew on that for a few more minutes.

The word "redeemed", or padah, means "to release, preserve, rescue, deliver, liberate, cut loose, sever, to free, to ransom".  Wow!!!

Back to "our story".  This simple message, in the midst of my heart wrenching cry to the Father, changed the course of my life - of my kids' life.  I'd love to say that this course change was immediate, but it more closely resembled a process.  It was (and is) a process of changing, reestablishing, exchanging, restoring, making right, preserving, rescuing, delivering, liberating and ransoming love.  It cut loose and severed the fears and heartache associated with our petty (in light of life) differences.  It allowed us to build what is now a beautiful, loving relationship - and allowed my kids to have "Aunt Nina" whom they love and adore like none other. 

About a month ago, my beautiful sister turned 40 and I had the distinct honor of planning her special evening.  It was one of the most exciting, saddening and educating experience of my life.  You see - as much excitement as I had, and as much fun as I had. . . it was quite sobering to realize that I didn't know my sister's favorite cake flavor or whether or not she liked chocolate chip cookies.  But, I'm happy to tell you that I learned about these things - and continue to learn some of the most amazing things about one of the greatest blessings in my life - my big sister - every day.  For His redeeming love, I am eternally grateful, and I highly recommend you giving it a try!  Your life will never be the same - and that is good for OH so many reasons!  :)

Here are just a couple pics from her special day! :) 

Some pictures just don't need captions

Me, mom, Steph, Nina

Random Things I've Learned

Things I've learned about life just recently:

1. I should really work on figuring out a way to always have lunch ready immediately following church.  Something about church makes me hungry.  The struggle is real, and after about 11:50, all I can think of is every horrible thing I could eat in an instant.  I think that if I knew there was something delicious waiting for me at home, I could put this hangry monster to rest!

2. I'm aging.  Don't mishear me, I'm not saying I'm old.  I have at least 50 years before I'm old.  But, some recent events have really shown me that I'm just aging.  I have "squinting" lines around my eyes.  Oddly enough, I actually smiled when I saw them.  There was something comforting about them - as if I'd somehow "arrived".  Then, the other day I was in Tampa (business trip) and had taken a short break on the pool deck.  I was digging pretty deep into the book that I was reading when a group of "kids" (they were at least 18) jumped into the pool to pass a football back & forth.  It was all fun and games until that cute, little, precious, boy said "don't splash the lady".  The lady?!?!?!  I chuckled under my breath, wondering when it was that I became "the lady".  Then there was the time in Chick-fil-a, a couple months ago, another cute, little, precious boy saw me carrying 4 drinks and 3 bags of food and offered, "ma'am, can I help you with those?".  I kindly declined and as I walked off, I heard him tell his cute, little, precious friend "that's a mom, there!".  So, yes, I'm aging.  I'm an aging, lady mom and for whatever reason, I'm perfectly okay with that!

Case in point

3. As I age (ha!), I find myself more and more discouraged by our society's level of waste.  I have a blog obsession, and between that and taking a look at my own lifestyle, I have deduced that wardrobes are completely replaced about every 3-4 months, new home organizers are purchased every 6 month, sinks, toilets, tiles, carpets, wood floors, continually dumped so new and improved ones can take their place.  By all means, let's waste the wallpaper on homes from the 80's (ha!), but because of this new-found awareness, I am trying to be much more diligent in regards to waste in my own life.

4. Gluten-Free Corn Dogs.  Did anyone else's breakfast just attempt an escape?!?! No?!?  Well, yuck.

5. Happiness is. . . a good pair of tights.  I have found them; I have found the perfect pair.  Words can't describe my excitement.  This is coming from someone who technically hates tights as they seem very childish (maybe because my daughter wears tights).  But these days, I find myself dressing for the tights. They're perfectly opaque, soft - not itchy, don't roll, they're supportive, and did I mention, THEY DON'T ROLL!  The only problem is that they only come in black.  Check them out - and then buy every pair you can.  HURRY!!!!

Friday Finds: Pinterest Cheat

I'm sure I'm the only person with this problem: heading over to pinterest to look up one thing and discovering that I've just lost an entire hour of my life.  Yes, I'm positive that I'm the only one with this problem.  Still, I thought you might appreciate a little "Pinterest Cheat".

With the holiday around the corner (OMG - YEAH - WOO HOO!!!!!!), I've pulled together 5 options for a holiday breakfast.  You know - that time when you're busy basting a turkey or boiling cranberries and you realize that your family is starving!

Each of these came from pinterest and when possible, the direct link is also provided (so you don't lose an entire hour, or 3, of your life!)

1.

Hello, beautiful!  Breakfast Skillet Casserole from CrunchyCreamSweet.com (Pin) 

2.

How fun does this look?! Bacon, Egg and Cheese Brunch Ring from Pillsbury.com (Pin)

3.

This one is just a picture; a kind of "figure it out yourself" deal.  But, Breakfast Cupcakes are sure to make your family happy!

4.

From www.plainchicken.com "Crack Potatoes", need I say more?! Serve with a side of scrambled eggs. You. Are. Welcome. (pin)

5.

Vegan needs?!  Forks over Knives has you covered with these Breakfast Potatotes! Also, you can find this recipe in the cookbook found here. (pin)

Enjoy and Happy Friday!

Halloween = Quality Time

Regardless of your stance on the holiday, you have to admit that seeing hundreds of adorable kids dressed up is just too much fun!  I love that my kids start imagining "what they'll be" as early as June.  They get this "holiday anticipation" from their mother, who usually starts Christmas music in early August.  (I did delay this year, until mid-October.)
Growing up, I remember that we spent almost every Halloween at church - and we loved it!  We had the coolest (at the time) setup and we affectionately referred to it as "Fall Festival", because calling it Halloween would mean worshiping the devil (at least I'm pretty sure that was the gist, ha!).  It was always lots of fun, with a jail (where I was always thrilled to find my parents) and tons of games that we'd spent hours putting together during school hours (my church was also my school).  I have tons of memories from these evenings, and I'm overly grateful for them.  That said, there's one Halloween that stands out in my mind.  It's one of the ones we spent at Daddy & Judy's, and we got to go trick-or-treating (GASP!!).  Even though I hadn't seen the picture in years, I could have relayed it to a sketch artist to recapture it.  Instead, I texted my step mom who took a trip down memory lane through her albums to find it for me.  This picture definitely ranks up high on my list of favorites.

   

 
Weren't we a crew?!?! My brother & I were hobos and our sister was a hooker.  This is how you keep it classy on Halloween!  I'm pretty sure those are my daddy's house shoes.  Charles has an eyeliner-mustache.  We. Were. Awesome.  Growing up in the 80's & 90's was just so much more fun.  I remember loading up in the back of the truck, FREEZING, and hopping out at every house we came to (think countryside, ya'll). 

Having recently recalled this totally fun, absolutely ridiculous-looking, took-2-days-to-feel-our-hands-again - kinda night, I knew it was time to give our kids a night of fun - a memory for them to carry with them forever.  They've only been trick-or-treating once before, and it's been about 5 years.

Earlier in the week, we took them to our church event - our church here in Tulsa REALLY knows how rock a party.  Think full movie set garb, complete with photo ops related to the current year's theme (this year, Under the Sea, featuring Ariel and Triton), and an insane number of children dressed in some of THE most adorable costumes!  It's definitely a highlight to our year - every year!

Then - when Halloween day arrived, we braved the near-freezing weather, donned our winter coats, drove to the kids' school, grabbed our mugs of hot chocolate, and proceeded to spend the next 3 hours running and skipping and saying "trick-or-treat", "Happy Halloween" and "thank you" 486 times (rough estimate).  Our neighborhood outdid itself and I am happy to say that I don't think the kids will forget our fantastic evening anytime soon. 

They scored 13 lbs of candy. . .

and we logged 4.59 miles on our step-counter.

Of course, it wouldn't be Halloween without a man with a chainsaw, or perhaps this "jewel"

sorry for the terrible picture

but we had a blast.  Perhaps my favorite parts of the evening were when P kept saying "this is the best time, ever!!" or when C complimented EVERY single person who had hand-carved pumpkins on their porch. 

My challenge to you: (whether as a parent, aunt, uncle, big brother or sister, or just a close family friend) take time to build positive memories with your kids.  My parents did - whether it was my mom & dad spending time in a make-shift jail cell to raise money for our school or my daddy & step mom painstakingly painting those hideous freckles onto my face, the 40 layers of makeup & hairspray on my sister and the perfect mustache on my brother - it was in these small, minuscule moments that I felt like the luckiest kid on the planet.  And as my FAVORITE holidays are just weeks away, I'd like to remind you that your kids need your presence, not your presents. 

If you're looking for ways to increase your quality time this season, check out some of these ideas on Pinterest.