What's Happened? - September

I have to admit that I wrote most of this blog last month - as in AUGUST. In fact, the title used to be "What's Happening - August", but you guys. . . the past couple of months have been brutal! Lovely, exciting, exhausting and brutal! So, what's been going on in our household?

The kids started school. A new school, with new friends, new schedules, new everything. And God's fingerprints were all over it! They have amazing teachers, they love everything about school, and this momma is beyond thrilled! Couldn't have asked for me. No joke. They also ride to/from school, and I'm pretty sure they think it's the best thing that's EVER happened!!!

I also started back to school. I actually started this Summer, but I'm really feeling it this Fall. You know why? Because of this. . . . "Go back to school, she (me) said. It'll be fun, she said. Take TWELVE credit hours while working 40+ hours and being the taxi for all things football & cheer, she said. Do all of this while your husband is in his capstone course, she said." For the love of all things that are holy and just and pure. . . "she" is an idiot and "she" may or may not dream of being rocked to sleep some nights.

Just before starting school, the kids spent their last week of Summer in Arkansas. They always have so much fun with grandparents. They may not understand now, but will sometime, that they are unbelievably blessed to still be able to do this! The weekend that I picked them up, we enjoyed Old-fashioned Days in my hometown and it was tons of fun. The kids got to be IN the dunk tank, and I got to sit with my daddy and stepmom for hours listening to hometown bands play music that always reminds me of home. The weather was PERFECT, especially for early August in Arkansas; it was pretty much the best day ever.

We went from there to my mom & dad's house for a couple of days. The first part of the visit was amazing - as always - but the second half involved what could only be described as the verge of death. I got something - a stomach bug, food poisoning, I have no idea. . . it was terrible. I remember at one point laying on the bathroom floor, face on the vent, praying that God would just take me then. The pain was indescribable. But then there was this. .

In August, Matt replaced a few light fixtures in our home. The one above the entryway "had to go" the very first time we saw the house. It may have taken almost 9 months to get rid of it, but it's GONE! The other was our back porch light. We have a lovely screened in porch and the gold ugliness that was - was just horrible. (Ignore the blue light; it's supposed to promote tranquility. It does, but it also looks strange)

I also got new hair along the way. I love that I have about 5 different ways that I can wear it now - one of which being a lovely pony tail (when necessary, because sometimes it is!)

In late August, I discovered one of life's hidden truths. Pallets - those things that we use to make EVERYTHING these days. . . they were designed to withhold HUNDREDS of pounds of weight. You say "duh", but people, I'm here to tell you that it took me two hours of using a pry-bar and mallet to really understand this life truth - those things are made to last. I hurt all over for days. . . I eventually gave up on the last few pieces and just cut them off with a circular saw. In the end, I have these beauties that MIGHT be worth the pain and anguish. I can't wait for the temps to cool off again so that I feel like being crafty!

 Speaking to temperatures, let's talk about October.

AND - I will add that, if I had known that last Friday was my last evening that didn't require me to be somewhere or do something until at least November 6, I would've held on to it with a little more vigor! When did my children become social?! Why are we suddenly so popular? HA! I don't know, but as tired as I am, I LOVE it!

Finally - in between all of the fun and exciting things about the past couple of months, I've recently found myself on a personal journey that's titled "But, what if I get hurt". I'll likely share more about that later, but I will leave you with this thought - something that came to me one night as if it were thrown directly at me from across the room. "What if you do?!? Will it kill you? I think not. And what if you DON'T get hurt? Won't the reward of risking your heart be worth it? What if Jesus decided not to forgive us just because we might some day break his heart?!? We all have enough regrets in our lives; don't make unforgiveness and heart barriers another one of them."

Whatever you are going through, know that our Heavenly Father knows. He sees it - and even if we do get hurt, even if we wind up scarred from the emotional pain, He's never leaving! And for that, I couldn't be more grateful!

Matt is GRADUATING in just over a week, so I may disappear again, but I don't plan to be gone forever!
Happy Fall, Ya'll!

For real though: CUPCAKES!

My sister is amazing. She's beautiful, talented, unbelievably good with children, hilarious. . . and the best friend a person could hope for. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be just like her when I grew up. I admire her honesty, even if it sometimes takes a deeper relationship in order to get to that point. Not that she lies - she just avoids, which proves that I did, in fact, grow up to be just like her! :) I mentioned last week that I had really struggled this year with continuing this blog for reasons that I would share later. Well, my sister posted something on social media this week, and I thought it so eloquently expressed what has been going on this year.

"Life can be messy when we are really living and living real. Real conversations take place, real hearts get broken, real plans get changed, and real lives are rearranged. If I decide today I want fake cupcakes, I don't have to worry about a mess when I am done. I can get out my fake bowl, my fake ingredients, and turn on my fake oven. But at the end of my fake 20 minute bake time, what's the reward? Fake cupcakes and nothing to share? Real cupcakes require dirty dishes, flour on the counter tops, cream cheese on the beaters and plenty of cupcakes to share. Real mess = real rewards. I'll take a messy life with the people I love over a fake life by myself any day."

What I'd really like to know is why I didn't get invited over to enjoy said "real cupcakes". But, whatevs. . . :)

But seriously - I knew last year that I was supposed to be real on this blog. It was okay to post funny stuff and random things, but I also knew that the purpose was to help those who are walking in shoes that I've already worn out! What I didn't know is the toll that it would take on me emotionally - to be so open and to rip open scars from the past. . . I. had. no. idea.

I also had no idea how tired I'd be with returning to school full time, working full time, being mom all of the time, wife all of the time, cheer & football mom a good majority of the time, friend, sister, daughter . . . . . So, to be real, I'm exhausted, but I will do my very best to keep writing. I will keep reminding myself of this: if just one person is encouraged, if just one person feels less lonely, if just one person finds the strength to make it just one more day. . . it is worth the pain of revisiting some really hard times. It's worth the struggle of putting words to overwhelming feelings. It's worth it. YOU are worth it.

And in the spirit of real cupcakes, here's my sister's real, delicious Cream Cheese Frosting recipe. As much as I enjoy baking, I HATE icing. But, this recipe is fool-proof AND delicious!!

1 lb cream cheese
2 sticks butter
1 tsp vanilla extract
4 cups sifted confectioner's sugar

Combine cream cheese & butter. Add vanilla. Add sugar 1 cup at a time. At this point, you can add any coloring that you'd like.

Yield: 24 cupcakes

I did this! But only because I had an amazing recipe. DELICIOUS!!!

Happy Friday!!! XOXO

Parenting moment: Recognizing the lasts

I know, I know. . . it's been 3 months. I simply vanished. I'm sorry - there's a whole story behind it, but I'll save that for later.
Today - I'm sharing my mess of a heart. As a parent, you have epiphanies that appear at random, and today was one of those days. I've been a mommy for over 12 years - counting pregnancy (which I do, because I was pregnant with a real, live BABY the whole time) and I've spent many a day scrapping or writing about various "firsts". My kids can look through their books (my son more so that my daughter. . . sorry second-born, I love you dearly!!) and see when they first kicked, when we first heard their heartbeat, when they first smiled at me, when they first tried green beans, what their first words were, who their first in-home visitor was, when they got their first tooth, when they lost their first tooth, their first time away at camp. . . . that's where you find me today.
Today, my baby left for her first day away at camp - church camp specifically - and she couldn't have been more thrilled. My oldest is a completely different child; he only thought he was excited about church camp the first time he went - 3 years ago. Turns out, he would sob and sob and sob - and make mom sob. . . . and then have the time of his life away at camp. I still remember the sweet little boy who came to his side and comforted him and became his bff for the week - God is so good to us! Today, however, my baby girl was ready to go!!! She left alongside 5 girls she's known since pre-k, as well as a couple that are newer friends. She was ready to go, and go she did! Then, as I always do, I take this picture:

This picture always puts a lump in my throat. Perhaps its the excitement that I know is overflowing from the windows, maybe its because I know our most precious cargo is loaded into these pieces of steel, or maybe I'm just a big baby. . . I have the same emotional reaction when I ride in the caravan of cars to a field trip as well. A mess, I tell ya!!!

But this time, this picture took a bit more of my breathe away. You see - this weekend I helped my kids pack for camp - helped my baby girl pack for her very first away camp. For the last time. . . .

For the last time, I enjoyed that first. I remember C's vividly - I even packaged each outfit into gallon-sized baggies (I'll have you know that he asked me to do the same thing last year and this year - I did refuse). I will forever remember this day as well. However, today my parental epiphany was this: so often we fully recognize all of the firsts in our children's lives, but how sad it is that we often don't realize when we're experiencing on of our "lasts". I don't remember the last time that C climbed into my lap; I don't remember the last time P walked up to me, dragging her blanket, paci in her mouth, sleepy gunk in the corners of her eyes. And truth is, I probably won't recognize the last time P asks to braid my hair or the last time C curls up next to me on the couch - as close as he can get. I haven't yet determined if this is a blessing or a curse, though. In some way, it has been eye-opening to have this realization today - a reminder that this exact moment is the last time I get to experience this exact moment. I will definitely hold onto the memories of this monumental day in momhood, and I am thankful that I have reminders like this to keep me focused on TODAY and to refrain from being too focused on yesterday or tomorrow. On the flip side, my heart aches. I feel as if I've lost a little piece of "something" - I don't quite know what that something is, but I feel like I've lost a piece of it.

I see the comment on every mother's exasperated post, it goes something like "cherish the moment, soon they'll be grown", and its hard not to roll my eyes and just say "yes, but surely you remember what it felt like to be in this precious woman's place - where she'd give half of her limbs for a good night's rest!?!?!?" Alas, here I am serving as a reminder to those of you who are willing to give up pieces of yourself just to sleep. . . soak it up. I don't remember when my kids stopped needing me in the middle of the night - it just happened one night. I know I must've been so very relieved and maybe I don't remember it clearly because I WAS SLEEPING!!!! But, what I wouldn't give to rock those babies to sleep just one more time.

So, from one exhausted mommy to another, don't miss the "lasts" being so ready for the "nexts".

What's so funny!?

I'm not a very private person. Take a look at a few of my previous posts and you'll find that to be an understatement. The last few months have been rather intense in all areas of life, especially emotionally. This has caused me to DREAD writing, which in itself is rather terrifying because I LOVE it. WHO AM I!?! I am a mess. That's what I am. A beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made mess. I find peace in knowing that this is just another part of my journey - another story to tell later. In the meantime, I have started taking notes on things that bring me much laughter and joy. I thought I'd take the time to share what I highly recommend for getting past the emotional bumps in life.

Take a road trip with coworkers. Most of us have taken road trip with family and many of us have with close friends, but a road trip with coworkers is rather rare. If you're fortunate enough (as I am) to work with amazing people, this can be the highlight of your week for sure! Talk about random things, laugh about having children, not having children, being married, not even dating, spouses' hobbies, your hobbies, life, death, good drivers, horrible drivers, anything and everything you can come up - EXCEPT work. I recently had the opportunity to do this very thing, and I haven't laughed that hard in so long. I think you'll find a renewed appreciation for the people that God has placed around you, and, well, hopefully you'll laugh until your stomach hurts!

Play bunco with your girlfriends (or guyfriends, I'm not picky). I think it's the fast pace that does it, because it can't possibly be the fact that you spend two hours rolling the same 3 dice. But, whatever it is, it's good. Preferably with good finger foods - because food makes my the world go 'round.

Watch AFV! Okay - we have all seen it, but when you REALLY need your spirits lifted, find an episode and laugh. Laugh at the stupid things, the insane things, the oh my goodness I can't watch this things. . . make yourself laugh at the ones that aren't funny. That show is just too much!

If AFV doesn't work for you, look up auto-correct fails. Disclaimer: so many of the "top ##" posts have nothing but nasty stuff. Those aren't funny. But some of them are, and some of them will bring you to tears. My hubby and I sat one afternoon looking through them - both with tears - we laughed so hard.

Finally, videotape (is it still called that? There's no tape; it's a phone!) in slow motion. Hubby's slow motion videos always star our dog, Daisy. My favorites are the ones where she's trying to catch food in the air. My sister-in-law recently posted one of our adorable 2-year-old nephew running. This is good stuff, people. Good stuff!

I hope you take a moment this week (what's left of it) to laugh - on purpose. Find something that makes you laugh and DRINK IT UP! Laughter is, after all, so very good for the soul.

Love you all! XOXO

Snot, sniffles and sneezes, oh my!!

Last week, I told you about my love of Spring and why it's come to mean so much to me. Today, I may be taking back all that I said. Not really - I REALLY do love spring, but the snot, sniffles and sneezes are a bit intense.
I interrupt my usual ooey-gooey grateful post to bring you this (non-solicited, unpaid - no one pays me for my opinion - I give it freely - and often - you're welcome) endorsement for the one, the only. . . Puffs plus lotion.

If I have to blow my nose with another fast-food napkin from my glove box or unrated TP from the office. . .

So today, I am grateful for Puffs plus lotion and, never forgotten, NeilMed sinus rinses!

I think we should find something we're grateful for everyday - even if they do seem ridiculous! What are you grateful for today? Comment below or join me in linking up with ember grey!

Spring has Sprung

I know, guys. . . I'm rather late with this realization. However, it's been on my heart (more so than ever) lately. I love witnessing the earth come alive to worship the Creator. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Fall, but I must also admit that I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Spring as well.

Last weekend, we had the privilege of remembering a great man and spreading his ashes in one of the most beautiful places I've ever been. We went so deep in the Ozark mountains, on a peak that (I'm certain) is as close to heaven as one could get without actually going there. We drove for hours. At one point, I realized that we'd only passed one other vehicle, and as soon as I had reception (it had been over 4 hours since I had service), I texted my girlfriends to let them know that if I disappeared, I could be found in the same place they filmed Deliverance. But, seriously, it was stunning - and what a privilege it was to be a part of such a beautiful remembrance of Matt's grandpa.

Up there, so - very - close - to - heaven, there was a patch of daffodils tucked off on their own - as if perfectly preserved for such an occasion.

I wish I could've gotten closer, but it was rather hairy up there!

It was upon seeing it that I was overwhelmed by how the seasons that God created for nature so carefully mimic the seasons of our lives.
There are times when life fells so heavy, so saturated with ick. If only we could take a shower to remove this ick the way that we do a hot-humid summer day.
There are times when we feel stone cold, unable to function, deadened by the circumstances we are surrounded by. If only curling up next to a heater would relieve these feelings.
There are times when life feels like it's falling apart around us. We feel like we're starving for the radiance of sunshine. If only taking in the beauty of fall foliage could put our life back together!
Then, there are moments where we are given a fresh start - a chance to try again - to be more vibrant, to grow taller - more beautiful than ever. That's our Spring!

The reality is that, just like nature, we'll experience every season - repeatedly - in our lifetime. John 16:33 guarantees this. But honestly - doesn't this make our Spring that much sweeter? Isn't it more vibrant when you know what darkness looks like? I'm not saying we should jump up and down and be absolutely thrilled when life just plain sucks, but I am suggesting that these hard times - the tough seasons - bring so much more radiance and beauty to our Spring season.

My prayer is that regardless of what season you are in, you can find peace in knowing that its just a season.

Bricks and Peanut Butter

Recently, I've had quite a few enlightening moments. Because I care, I share.

Enlightenment moment #1

Life is too short to not do things that make you happy. True - we shouldn't be selfish and self-fulfilling. . . . but there's nothing wrong with correcting this:

The lack of ANYTHING in front of our home is enough to make a girl cry. But - my sweet hubby and my little man loaded up 840 lbs of retaining wall blocks Sunday night, and together, we hope to correct this!!! I hope to have an after photo for you soon. Fingers crossed that we finish it in the next year - preferably a month!!!

Enlightenment moment #2

If anything ever happened to peanut butter, I'd probably lose my will to live. Maybe not, but I do feel that I would need some serious help. The struggle is real, folks. 

That's about all of the enlightenment I have to share this week, but I can tell you that I'm SO very grateful for peanut butter, bricks, my hubby, my little man (and baby girl) and SUNSHINE!!!

What do you find yourself most grateful for this week? Share below or join me in linking up with ember grey

Get Over Yourself

The last time I wrote, it was to honor a very special man.  During that post, I mentioned that I was really struggling with this blog. Guys, that was an understatement. I wanted nothing to do with it. I was tired of being compared to others and really feeling rather pathetic. I tried the "get over yourself" move with myself, but that didn't work. I tried MAKING myself write about something meaningful - that was a disaster. Then, along comes Mary Keith, whom I've never actually met in person, but feel like I might actually be her stalker sister. And I say "along comes" but that's not really the truth. If you remember, she was gracious enough to allow me to be a guest on her blog late last year. But, she did write something last week that hit home in about 47 different ways. In her hilarious way, she inadvertently said to me "get over yourself" - and this time, I think it worked. It also didn't hurt that I overdosed on Joyce Meyer teachings while driving across the country between campuses this week.

So, towards the end of my drive, I said to myself. . .
"Self, quit being concerned about what others think or say. Self, you know what God told you to do, and you enjoy doing it - regardless of whether or not others take you seriously. Self, others NEED to know they aren't alone; they need to know that life isn't all roses and lollipops like we see so often on the web. Self, remember what you said in the beginning - if you are able to help just one person, you've done what you were supposed to do."

I'd like to say that I don't talk to myself on a regular basis, but I'm sure you know that is definitely not the truth. If I'm shopping alone, it's even worse - I talk down to myself for looking on the wrong aisle for vinegar and laugh at myself when I pick up a poster that I really, really shouldn't get (it's distasteful) but I find amusing. And folks, when I'm driving. . . ugh. I really do need an outlet for all of this talk that I have going on inside of me. So, if you're still reading, thank you. I need you, and I hope I can help you out along the way!

In the interest of full disclosure, I also get very bored in a hotel room by myself. I don't get alone time - ever - like, seriously, never - ever. So I wasn't sure what to do with myself. I wrote this post and knew I need a picture for it. So, you're welcome.

Today, I'm grateful for laughter. I'm grateful for the blogs that I've come to thoroughly enjoy. I'm grateful for friends who won't let me be grumpy; for family who help to set me back into orbit. I'm grateful for the 12-year wedding anniversary I shared with The Overachiever earlier this week. Most of all, I'm grateful for life.

What are you grateful to this week? Comment below or join me as I link up with ember grey!

Ode to "The Man"

Note: Please forgive me for my absence. As noted in my previous post, I've been a little out of sorts. I've also been struggling with whether or not I'm even supposed to be doing this (more on that later). But, I knew I couldn't write anything - at all - until I took a moment to recognize a very fine gentleman who moved on to Heaven this past weekend.

I love to write, but poetry is NOT my forte. Therefore, I apologize for the misrepresentation that I was actually going to write an ode, but I needed a title that didn't sound gloomy or weirdly happy.

Sunday, March 1, 2015, my husband's grandpa, Armond Johnson, moved on to Heaven. This was the man to whom I was "granddaughter" from the first time I met him (even when Matt & I were still dating), the man to whom I attribute so much of who my husband is - kind, gentle, loving, fair and determined - to, the man who thought our children were the best things since sliced bread (and they kinda are), the man who could have totally been Kenny Rogers' stunt double earlier in his life, to the man who sparked a passion for archery in our little man (to whom his science fair project is dedicated), to the man who was so many things to so many people - especially my precious mother-in-law. 

His passing was rather sudden; with just days to wrap our minds around what was happening (which, we are still trying to do). If we'd only known, we probably would've taken more pictures the last time we were at his house (just a little over a month ago). Instead, we visited and talked about everything, and nothing. I don't regret that - not one single bit. Still, we have vowed to take more pictures - of more than just our kids or our adventures of the moment. Death - losing someone so precious to you - causes you to evaluate so much, and this is definitely an area we want to improve on. But isn't that how it always goes? If only. . . we would've. . . 

In the end, however, I can only pray that I leave behind such a legacy. I looked around the room on Sunday, at tear-filled eyes, surrounding the man we all loved, thinking "I want to love at least as much as he did" and feeling so very blessed to be a part of his legacy.

I've had a hard time finishing this post this week, but today I knew I could. Today, the kids were on their phone (fake), talking to him. He told them he'd been fishing and hunting since he got there (Heaven) and they were so happy for him. These are the moments that take my breath away, that cause me to ache from sorrow, and at the same time - cause me to feel overwhelmed by the Peace of our Heavenly Father who is our Comforter. He will be greatly missed. So, greatly missed.

When the Extrovert Goes Rogue

If you look up the word extrovert in the dictionary, you might find my photo. I'm not exactly the poster-child, but I am most energized when around people and I can't stand to be by myself. That is, until I go rogue. Rogue? You may ask. Yes, I mean skin is crawling at the idea of speaking to a human - feeling as if I might actually combust if someone gets too close or needs too much of my energy. At first, I thought I was losing my mind. Here I am, finally in a home that allows me to have company and, excluding the first full weekend there, I come apart at the seams when I think of having people over.
I shared my concerns with a few close people, explaining that I must be depressed or SOMETHING! Something is wrong with me!!! Then last week, while waiting in the line at school to pick up the kids, it dawned on me. For at least 6 months, I haven't had a moment where I wasn't needed by someone or something. At home, someone is always calling my name; at work, I can't even go to the bathroom without panic striking because "Laura isn't here!!!!". When I do have downtime, there's a game on my phone that beckons my attention. Even my showers lately have been occupied by thoughts of the things that need to be purchased (i.e. shower curtain, etc).

Come to find out, this extrovert DID need company, she did need to visit. . . with ME! Imagine that! Alone time. I didn't recognize the problem, because I didn't even know what alone time was anymore. One would think that after being a mom for almost 11 years that I would understand the importance of this, but no.

So, my amazing husband adjusted his schedule last Monday so he could take the kids to school, and I took a vacation day. A REAL one - that wasn't because the kids were out of school or because someone needed to be at the house awaiting a service man or delivery or something. I removed email from my phone and planned to block all calls except Matt's or the kids' school (although I did I scheduled a day with no agenda (besides picking up the kids - they don't like the idea of spending the night at school, so I'm told). I'd love to tell you that I stayed inside my home where it was nice and quiet, but that would be a lie. I was gone for most of the day, but I did what I wanted when I wanted - all day.

At this point, I'd also like to tell you that it solved all of the world's problems or at least my own, but that, too, would be a lie. However, it was a positive move in the direction of getting my grip back on life. 

So, today, two days after I usually post, I am writing to tell you this. . . 

Don't neglect you. You are one of the most valuable things you have to offer anyone, and without taking time to replenish you, it'll be impossible to do all that you've been called to do. Whether you're a parent, spouse, friend, daughter, employee, or a combination of all of the above (plus many more). . . take time to focus on you, even if only for a day.

This week, I'm extremely grateful for those in my life who support me. From my husband to my family and friends and my boss and colleagues.  Who do you have in your life that supports you? Who lifts you up when you feel like disappearing into the ground?

Comment below or join me and link-up with Ember Grey to share!

Friday Randomness

It's Friday the 13th. I figured it was only appropriate to just go off on rabbit trails in lieu of some clever theme.

1. When we moved from our rental home, I was so excited to be moving into our own home. That being said, the day after we moved, I went back to the rental to clean it up. When I finished, and it came time to leave, I sat in my car sobbing - SNOT-SOBBING - for 15 minutes. FIFTEEN MINUTES!! I swear I thought my heart was going to break in two. This was the home that we found shelter in during the hardest time of our lives. This was the home that protected our children from the harsh realities that come with financial ruin. This house was a huge blessing - and was our HOME - for a long time. Our landlord was a blessing, the house location was why we changed schools which ultimately proved vital for our son. I was a wreck! I remember the day we moved into the house, it was April 1, and there was a single yellow tulip blooming in this:

I knew it had bloomed just for me, so before I left this time, I took a picture of this lovely "well". Then - just as I was pulling myself together to drive, George Strait's "The Cowboy Rides Away" came on and I lost it all over again. I now cry every time I hear that song. It's ridiculous. I'm such a sob, ya'll!! So, to the house that was our home - thank you. I pray for the next occupants often, and I hope they feel as blessed by you as we did.

2. Pardon me while I agonize over first-world problems, problems that I only dreamed of having a couple years ago. . . .  We recently purchased a new mattress. Let's take a moment to join the angels singing - we were SOOOO long overdue. We made the decision to move up to a king-sized bed. This means a new bed, bedding, pillows. . . it's slightly overwhelming. I'll save the bed conversation for later (not THAT kind of bed conversation), but thought I'd share the collection we went with for the bedding.

Home Classics Sarah Jacobean from Kohl's

I wanted something that took me back to my childhood - spending the night at my grandma's house - but didn't want something that looked like it was actually THE bedspread that was on her bed some 25+ years ago. It's a little more color than I had originally planned, but I am in love.  It is just what our bland room needed. I'd take a picture of our actual room, but without a bed - with the mattress on the floor - it just looks frumpy. Trust me on this!

3. I sort of have disdain for Valentine's Day. It seems like just another excuse for us to spend money and feel the need to outdo last year or someone else (you know it's true. . .). But don't think I won't notice if my hubby overlooks it!  ;) 

4. My birthday is coming up, and I have two occasions to pick a restaurant. I have agonized over this for two weeks. I'm not normal. Just thought I'd share. You're welcome.

5. This guy.

HA!

Happy Valentine's Day, Friday the 13th & "Oh So Very Close to Spring" to you!

15 years and counting

In honor of us celebrating our 15-year dating anniversary last week, and me missing last week's Fridays Finds and me being completely uninspired this week. . . I thought I'd share just a handful of my favorite pics of the two of us over the past 15 years. It's been an unbelievably wild (and sometimes, very tough) ride, but it's soooo been worth it - and I'm excited for the next 15 years and then some!

The day after we met (2000)

Our first summer together (2000)

Matt's high school graduation weekend (2002)

Our wedding day!!! (2003)

C's Pre-K graduation (2006)

Danny & Abbie's wedding (2009)

NYE 2010

)

Random date flight - with an added bonus of seeing daddy & Judy (2010)

My TCC graduation (2012)

Family Pics (2012)

Celebrating our 10-year wedding anniversary in San Francisco (2013)   

At a friend's wedding (we like weddings) 2013

Oktoberfest with friends (2014)

Friday night - date night! Celebrating 15 years. (please forgive the grainy selfie!)

These are just a few of my favorites. The memories contained in every single shot is what I'm most grateful for today. Do you have a favorite photo with accompanying memory? Please share!!!
Comment below or join me and link-up with Ember Grey to share!

The Move

I've been promising to write this post; I have just not had the emotional energy to revisit the week in question. As I mentioned here, I was scared to put it out there that we were scheduled to close, because things just seem to go wonky on us. . . all. the. time. . . without fail (at least, that's how it sometimes feels). That being said, they did. . . go wonky, that is.

We were scheduled to close on our new home the last week in December. This was "perfect timing" because I was already off work (holidays/vacation with the kids), and it wasn't a busy time for The Overachiever, so on and so forth. Well, guess what?!?! We didn't. It wasn't too much of a shock, because I've never known anyone to close on a home the day they were supposed to. But what made this so hard is we knew that if we didn't close on our scheduled day, it would be another week, thanks to holidays (apparently Dec 31, Jan 1 & Jan 2 are all holidays?!?!?). Again - none of this is a revelation, we all know that it happens, and that buying a house is dreadfully exhausting, but what I'm writing to share is how terribly I reacted. My goal on this blog is to be transparent, in hopes that someone can learn at least one tiny thing from my mistakes - to avoid the pain of going through it themselves. I guess it's the mom in me. :)

So, we were told "it could still happen today", so ALL DAY I wept. I'm not even kidding. I truly wept. My head felt like it would explode, I prayed, I read my Bible, I wept, I prayed, I read, wept, prayed and read. Then, I got angry. I took all of the promises I had just been reminded of in His Word and went my own route of just being angry. WHY ME?!?!? And before you roll your eyes (like I do now), understand where my heart was. As vulnerable as this is, I'll share what my heart cried . . . "I am so tired of being your example! Can't one thing just go as I want it? Can't one thing in my life come without so much stinking emotional energy? Can't you hear me? Don't you understand that next week at work is stupid busy and I don't have time to wait on you!!! Why can't I just once be the child that you smile on and say 'today, I will do things your way because you've had to wait for so much so often'? What is wrong with me that you don't care enough to just give me a break? I am so tired of being the example!!!!!"

Take a moment and breathe, because if you're like me, you just read that and now you're waiting for the lightening to strike. Even writing this, I am having to walk away for a bit because I'm not sure how to transition from that rant into what happened next. 

Sigh. . .

So then - we didn't close. God didn't respond to my unbelievable questions and didn't move on my behalf in the way I had begged. I pulled myself together enough to go to the store. Matt insisted that we leave the house - he's seen me in my darkest hour - years ago - and I think he really felt I was headed straight towards it. Of course, we ran into someone from church. Of course I hadn't showered or even blown my nose appropriately. Of course I looked like death, and I then anticipated a call from my pastor to see if something was terribly wrong in our home. Looking back, it's pretty funny, actually. Go ahead - laugh a bit - I was a train wreck and now, a month later, it's funny.

The next few days were pretty stressful (and boring) as we had everything we owned packed away, nothing to do except think about the house we didn't have yet, and answer 76,457 questions from the mortgage company, not to mention the shame I felt about my behavior on "the day". But something happened in that week. . . I came to terms with life not happening on my terms, and oddly enough - it didn't kill me. (Shocking, I know)

And then - we closed!!! Everyone cheer!!!!!!!!

I still don't fully understand the reasoning for the delay, but I can tell you that we've had a few unexpected things come up that we wouldn't have been prepared to handle the last week in December for various reasons. And if you're wondering - I'm not angry. I was angry and hurt and frustrated and just plain tired, but I'm not angry anymore. Not just because we finally closed, but because not long after my rant, God began to bring to mind the unbelievable mercy and favor He has shown towards us in just a short time. If anything, I am ashamed - how could I ever question His love for me? His love is unfathomable and I tried to put a frame around it in the shape and size that I thought it should fit!

I'm not sure what the lesson in all of this is - I have no clever way to finish this post. I believe that I am just supposed to share this and let you glean from it what you will.

My prayer for you is this: If you find yourself feeling like the overlooked child, know that He knew you before you were formed. He knew you and He loved you and He had great plans for you - before you were ever even formed. His plans for you are to prosper you, to give you a hope and a future, never to harm you. TRUST in the Him and don't rely on your own understanding. Trust that He has your best interest at heart. His love never fails - He. Is. Love.

I am so very thankful that my Heavenly Father loves and forgives me.
Is there a moment in your life that you felt God's love the most?

If you're willing to share, please do! Comment below or join me and link-up with Ember Grey to share!

Friday Finds: Clean Slate

There's something about moving into a new home with fresh paint and clean floors - it makes my heart happy. It's like someone wiped the "horrible homemaker slate" clean - a sort of do-over. Random confession: I hate cleaning my floors. I love for them to be clean, but I prefer when the floor fairy shows up and takes care of it. But, since the fairy has disappeared, never to be seen again, I have vowed to keep up with the floors - and other things - in this home without that traitor! 

I would like to make note of the fact that I have made our bed every single day since we moved in. I feel like I should be presented with a medal or something, but I know that's not gonna happen, so I'll just toot my own horn.

In an effort to keep organized and give myself a better chance at keeping a clean AND happy home (at the same time - this takes work, people. . . ), I have found these household jewels and want to share!!

Besides bleach (which I will forever have trouble getting rid of), I dislike conventional cleaning products. I was excited to come across this gem on picklee.com!

I am a list-maker. This list from moritzfineblogdesigns.com makes the nerd in me want to cry tears of joy. 

notjustahousewife.com gets me, I mean REALLY gets me. This list looks and feels so simple - I might actually survive, guys!

I think it's the colors, not sure, but my kids are excited to help with this list from fabnfree.com. It is likely the one I'll stick with - for that very reason! 

If there's anything I hate more than floors, it's tubs and showers. THIS I can work with. Amen. Thank you, joyfulhomemaking.com

Happy Cleaning!
XOXO

My Husband, The Overachiever

I totally planned to talk about our move (closing, not closing, meltdown, excitement, etc), but after this weekend, I interrupt this blog with gushing tales about my love.

Meet my husband, The Overachiever.

I melt.

If you've been around any length of time, you've seen this photo 87 times.  But that's okay, because, well, I get to make the rules on here, right?!

We've been together 15 years (next week) and in all of that time, he's never failed at anything that he's tried. If I didn't find him so stinking handsome and funny and amazing and awesome, I'd kinda hate him for this fact alone. Everything he puts his hands to is a success. Sometimes he tries things, decides he doesn't like it and he moves on, but never, ever, because he couldn't cut it. He inspires me like none other.

This weekend's project is exhibit V.178 in the long line of amazing things he's accomplished:

Please forgive the boxes and the ladder (and the poor lighting). Moving stinks!

Again, please excuse the mess.

This photo was taken just prior to sitting down with our very good friends to "christen" our new table. Thankful that Shawn & Joy could be a part of such a fun time for us! And thankful that they forgave me for posting to Instagram while we were eating. I mean, it's "insta"gram, right?!?

I've been wanting this table for a LONG time. Just a few weeks ago, I came across Décor & The Dog's Farmhouse Tutorial and essentially begged and pleaded and fussed and whined until he reluctantly agreed to make my table. Come to find out, he was afraid he's mess it up. Sheesh - as if.

He did some research and found a different tutorial that he felt a little more comfortable with (as a newbie) and a plan was born.

2.5 hours at Lowe's (would've taken ONE hour if our kids weren't in need of a serious timeout), countless stain and shade of white choices, and a few power tools later, and he was hiding away in the garage. He literally only came out to go to the bathroom and to eat dinner. This is why I label him The Overachiever. He doesn't just "do" stuff, doesn't just "accomplish" a task, he OWNS the task and kicks its hiney!!

We used Rust-oleum Ultimate Wood Stain in Carrington for the top and under the paint on the base, and we used Valspar Signature, Eggshell finish, in Pale Bloom. The sample on their site makes it out to be pink, but it's not pink at all - it's a great antique white and compliments the Carrington very well.

We have thoughts for chairs, but nothing in stone. The Overachiever wants to make them, and seeing the amazing job he did on the table, I'm all for it! We'll see if he talks himself down from that ledge.

On this beautiful Tuesday (I took Monday off - from everything), my grateful heart is happy that The Overachiever chose me almost 15 years ago, and again every day since. My heart is full and my cup runs over!

What fills your heart to its fullest?

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